Not going after your dreams?
Going after your dreams sounds beautiful, in theory, but it can be a topic that inspires frustration and self-criticism in many of us.
There’s often an idea that it should be easy or magical. That if you think positively enough, your dreams will manifest for you without needing to work hard.
Or if they were meant to happen, they would have already – and you’ve somehow missed the boat.
As adults, a lot of baggage can come along for the ride when considering our dreams.
We tend to twist our current relationship with them into something that means we’re a failure or unworthy or undeserving. This loads up the dream relationship with all kinds of heaviness, like putting a 200 lb backpack on for a hike.
It makes things way more challenging.
Unwittingly, you load your backpack down with all kinds of negative beliefs. I’ve heard clients who experience this say things like:
- I don’t deserve my dreams, I should just be happy with what I have now
- When I reach my dream, then I’ll be worthy/successful/happy
- I’ve given it my all and failed, I’m done
Unlike an actual backpack, it can be difficult to notice that you have these beliefs weighing you down as you pursue the mountaintop.
But, if you notice that you’re struggling a lot (tripping, over-efforting, getting exhausted, etc), that can be an indicator that negative beliefs are in play, thus affecting your decisions and your actions. When you spend time troubleshooting them, you can significantly lighten your load, making it easier for you to keep moving towards your dreams.
(Here’s a daily practice I recommend to help with this).
Another way you can get jammed up when it comes to pursuing your dreams is to pursue dreams that aren’t yours.
So often we define our dreams by what other people do or value. We take our cues for what success means from the world outside of us and the groups that we’re a part of. We think we just want to make our parents proud, enjoy living on a $100k salary or live on a beach somewhere and work remotely but even if you push and achieve the dream, it just doesn’t feel like a fit with who you truly are.
You can explore this yourself by reflecting on these questions:
- How do I know what my dreams are? (Do they feel a certain way? Check off a certain box?
- Why do I have these particular dreams?
- Are they truly, deeply mine?
The thing about dreams is that they aren’t actually the point.
It’s cliché, yes. But it’s the pathway to achieving your dreams that brings the richness of them.
As you pursue them, you will encounter road blocks that you’ll need to solve. In so doing, you’ll come to know yourself better and what you’re capable of. You’ll have to learn skills and grow into a larger version of yourself.
It almost doesn’t matter what the dream is, just that it’s compelling enough to keep you aiming towards it.
Even when you’re stuck, you’re on the path.
If you find yourself not going after your dreams, know that you actually are still going after them. Reading this post, down this far confirms that loud and clear.
This stuckness is an invitation for you to do some work and figure some shtuff out. It’s part of the path.
Your path. To your dreams.
If this topic struck a chord with you, I invite you to schedule a free coaching session. It’s a phone call where you can share what’s on your mind – and your heart – and be heard. It’s not a sales call, just a supportive conversation.
