Ep 14: Overcome limiting beliefs with this powerful mindset tool – the self-coaching model

Hello, my beautiful introvert friend. Welcome to episode number 14, where we are going to talk about overcoming limiting beliefs. And I'm going to teach you one of the most powerful mindset tools that I have come across called the model so that you can use it in your own life to help you feel less anxious, less dread. More confident, more success, more of whatever it is that you want to feel so that you create amazing results in your life. So I'm sharing this because last week. So we focused on dread and we looked at the role that thoughts play in creating dread. And I wanted to take it to the next level by giving you this tool so that you have something that is very simple and very clear. To help you create change so that you don't feel dread or anxiety or whatever you're working on. So often when you find yourself really tired of feeling dread or anger or anxiety or whatever it is the solution that you go to is to change the circumstance that you're in. So you get a new job, you break up with your partner, you decide to not go to a party or not do a public speech. And that way you get to avoid feeling the feeling. In this episode, we’ll explore the power of mindset and how to transform your thoughts, feelings, and actions to align with the life you truly desire. You’ll learn one of the most powerful mindset tools that I have come across called the self-coaching model, so that you can use it in your own life to help you feel less anxiety, less overwhelm, less dread… and more of whatever lights you up. It’s common for introverts to have limiting beliefs like “I’m not enough”, “I’m not seen” or “there’s something wrong with me”. When you know how to self-coach your thinking, you can transform thoughts that hold you back and create positive change. During this episode, I invite you to explore your own limiting beliefs and guide you through using the self-coaching model to gain clarity on what you can do to feel better and how to take action in an empowered way. If you're ready to break free from limiting beliefs so you can be your unapologetic, unconventional self, I have a special summer coaching package available only this month called Summer Integration Sessions. Visit my website at heidijandel.com/summer to sign up. Website: heidijandel.com/summer Listen review: Podchaser.com/empoweredintrovert Instagram: instagram.com/heidi.jandel Facebook: facebook.com/hjweiland YouTube: youtube.com/@heidijandel And then once you do that to. A good level. Then you can make these bigger life decisions from a much more empowered place because instead of trying to get away from the feeling. That you don't want the feeling of dread. And making a decision you, when you're empowered, when you're clean on, when your mindset is clean, then you're making a decision. Moving towards what you want instead. That might seem. Subtle. But it's the difference between living reacting to your life and creating what you truly deeply want. And as an introvert where your nervous system might be more sensitive, you might feel uncomfortable. A lot of the time it tend to have a tendency towards anxiety. And this can lead you to have a lot of limiting beliefs. And I'm going to get into more detail about what those look like. But essentially they are beliefs that you don't belong, that you're not capable. And that in order to feel okay in order to not feel dread, not feel anxious, it's best not to do things it's best not to be places it's best, not to have certain interaction it's best not to be seen. And so then this can create a life where you're reacting a lot instead of creating what you want. And mindset. Can be a tool that completely changes this because it can help you change how you feel in any circumstance. Oh, how you show up and the results that you create for yourself. And this tool that I'm going to teach you. It's very simple. Once you get the component parts and you can use it at any time, I use it all of the time for myself, for my own clients. It's incredibly powerful. Okay. So before we dive in. If you are ready to create an empowered introvert mindset and break free from limiting beliefs. I want to invite you to my summer coaching special that it is available only the month of June. This is a two month coaching package where we get laser focused on your core limiting beliefs. We identify the key stone beliefs that are keeping you stuck in old patterns of anxiety and overwhelm and we create a strategy to heal them, so that you can have a foundation of confidence and ease. In this two month coaching package, you will get personalized guidance, support, and tools to overcome your challenges and create a lasting change so that this summer becomes the next phase of your life. I'm only offering this special package this month. Visit my website at heidijandel.com/summer to sign up. All right, let's move on to limiting beliefs. We all have them is a natural part of being human, but essentially limiting beliefs they're deeply held thoughts, Keystone thoughts that constrain us in some way that they prevent us from reaching our full potential or pursuing opportunities of expanding into our voice, into who we truly feel that we can be like in our, in our private dreams, in our journal. Right. And so often these limiting beliefs, like there, they're very negative and self-defeating. And they impact your self esteem. They have an impact in everything in your life, your relationships, your career in your overall happiness. So there's a lot of core limiting beliefs. I'll go over a few of them. Here is one of the core ones I connect to this one. It's I am not enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not confident enough. I'm not extroverted enough. And this will, this belief can hold you back from pursuing your goals from exploring your abilities. Because you feel like you lack what it takes to succeed. Another common limiting belief is that. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve love. Or I don't deserve. Money right. This belief, it leads to feeling unworthy. And when you feel unworthy, you can end up sabotaging your relationship, sabotaging your your opportunities. It can lead to you. Not taking intelligent risks, like growth risks, and instead staying in your small comfort zone, nothing wrong with the comfort zone, but you've just, don't want to be there your entire life. Another one that I hear it's like failure is not an option. It has to be perfect. And this sets up perfectionism, it creates unrealistic expectations that you can never really accomplish. You can really never be that. Perfect. And so you were always in a S in a state of scarcity, you're in a state of fear, a fear, a fear of failure. And it will often lead to habits like overwork to the detriment of other areas in your life. So there's many. Limiting beliefs. I encourage you to maybe pause and take a moment to identify some of your core phrases that you might say to yourself. Because we will use these later on in the episode. Episode. So your limiting beliefs, they form a part of your mindset. And mindset is a word that essentially means the way that you think. The way that the thoughts that you have, the beliefs that you have, like your cognition, the way that you view the world. And this is important because. The way that you think. Is often very automatic. It's very undirected. It's like if you imagine. Swamp where a swamp is essentially water that is come from underneath. Right. It's bubbled up to, into the surface. And it a little, just like go up into the roots and the grass and there's no organization to it and it can be really messy and muddy. Versus when you have like an Aqua docked. Where water is very intentionally channeled for a purpose. You know, it might be from the same water source. But when you intentionally channel it, it has incredible power to do so much work. And when you don't, oftentimes it can create a messy McKee, you know, swamp, which it has, you know, it has beauty there's moments where you just want to be exactly as it is. But when you are looking to, when you're feeling limited in your life, Mindset is one of the most powerful places that you can look and learn how to channel your thinking in a way that will serve you. To do this, you can use the self-coaching model. The, or the model for short, this is a tool I learned in my coach training. I actually learned it beforehand and played around with it a lot, but it wasn't until I did my training that I really. Understood how to apply it and the intricacies. So it is. A simple, simple five-part model. Like an all it's an equation, essentially. That it comes from. It's a developed by Brooke Castillo. But it comes from a lot of other sources. Like Byron Katie, it comes from Buddhism. It comes from cognitive behavioral therapy where the idea is essentially. But your thoughts. Create your feelings and your results, which I will get into shortly. But like essentially the power in the model is the clarity that it brings to you in seeing what's happening in your own mindset and your own life so that you can see where you have power. Where you're giving it away and get ideas. For what to do differently. And sometimes in that moment, you can have a, a transformation you can have insight happen that makes you change that. It doesn't make you change it. It just changes, right? Your mindset just changes. It opens you up. It changes how you feel. And then it changes how you show up and think about it, like feeling stuck and it's congested, like breaks it open. It's amazing. And I will say that it is very, can be it's simple, but it can be very deep. It's like an MRI. Where sometimes you just need to see one particular place. In your brain. But that MRI, it has like you take an MRI and you have the ability to see all of these different areas that at some point might be useful for you to look at as well. So there's so many different ways that you can use that. Okay. So. The model is made up of five parts. It is. The circumstance. Thought. Feeling. Actions and results. So these are the five parts of any problem. You can take any problem in your life and apply it to this. So I'm going to use a kind of silly example. So let's imagine that you are. You're at the store with someone that maybe you don't know very well. And you're going to buy some ice cream, right. And in your mind, you're. Going to. Get chocolate. Cause clearly chocolate's the best, best one. You're getting it for a party. Everyone loves chocolate, right? So you go up. You grabbed the ice cream and the other person's like, what, what, what, hold on just a second. We can't get that. We have to get vanilla. Right. And. Vanilla is the best. Everyone will like vanilla and you're like, You're like, no, everyone likes target. And then. You're thinking like this person is crazy. They're wasting my time. It doesn't really matter. I just want to get out of here and get back to, you know, the party. And instead that person is like, No, we need the vanilla. And then you end up having a little bit of. You like, you feel a little heated, you have a little bit of an argument, and then you just, you kind of, you, you buy. The two different kinds, but you're a little upset and huffy about it. And then you, you know, like in the car and you're not really talking to them and you're just like in the back of your mind, like, I'm going to let it go. But secretly you think they're an asshole. And that becomes potentially like the beginning of you, not like you don't become their friend, right. You're like, You always think badly of them. So, if we apply the model to this, we start with the circumstance. So the circumstance is the neutral facts of the situation. It's the part of the situation that you can't control it's outside of you it's. So in this case, it's that. You are buying ice cream and that you are, you want, well, There's vanilla and there's chocolate and the other person wants vanilla. Right. That's what's happening. Anybody else could be looking in on the situation and see that that is the facts of the situation. And that you were going to buy chocolate. So that's the circumstance. The second part is the thought. So the thought. Is the beginning of. The thought happens inside your brain. Your thought is that's ridiculous. We need to get chocolate. No one wants vanilla. This person is ridiculous. Let's just say the thought is this person is ridiculous. So that thought. Crew gates, the feeling of irritation. Which is the third part of the model. You're thinking the other person is making you feel irritated. You're thinking that the fact that they want the vanilla is making you feel irritated. No, it's actually that you are judging them and thinking they're ridiculous. And that creates the feeling of your rotation. The thought. However, it's just a sentence. It's just some words happening in your mind. That feels so true and so important. Right? This is reality. You have a feeling about it. This. This is irritating. It's irritating. You feel irritated. So. The fourth line. The fourth part is your actions. You're feeling of irritation. Drives your actions. You're either trying to get away from a feeling or trying to move towards it. If you're feeling irritated. What tends to happen? You tend to lash out, you tend to, you argue. So what do you do? You argue right? You internally judged them. You, maybe you tend to dig your heels in, right. Or maybe as an introvert, you just check out, give in and ha and have. The person by all the vanilla and you're like, whatever. Right. You totally give your power away. And then the final line, the final part is the results line. What do you do the actions that you do or don't do create the results in your life? So the way that you show up. The actions of either digging in and arguing or giving up, giving up. That creates the result of first of all, it's a, not a very good interaction in that moment. And second of all, it probably becomes a poisonous, a poisoned relationship potentially. Right. And you say like down the road, you think about that was the moment that I knew that that person like, Ooh, that's a bad person. Right. And we blame the person. So this is mindset at work. This is what happens when your, you have a thought. That it, it just bubbles up like the swamp water. That this person is ridiculous. And you're you just run with it. Right. You don't pause to examine if that's what you want to create. You don't try to channel it into something more productive. You just go with it, you react to it and you create a situation where you're, you know, you're not showing up as your best self. You're not showing up for a potential new friendship and you're not giving yourself the best opportunity there to. She just be yourself. You're beautiful introvert, self. So that is us using the self-coaching model to examine, to analyze a situation. And we call this an unintentional model. This is what happens when you have the unintentional thoughts bubbling up and you react with them as if they're your truth. And typically you will see that it caught, it creates results that you're not very happy with. And that's, that is totally fine. There is nothing wrong with this model. This is you being human, doing normal human stuff. So you do not want to judge yourself for it. Nope, not allowed. Well, we actually want to do is treat this like a precious jewel, like, oh my gosh. I want to look at this. I want to really absorb and understand this. This is. A glimpse into my mind. So. Let's imagine that you are wanting to shift this experience. Let's imagine that you would rather show up. As a confident. Empowered introvert. So. We have the same circumstance you're in the store with the same, like acquaintance. Going for the ice cream. And you're, you've like loaded it up with loaded the card up with chocolate and they come up and they're a little snippy and they're like, oh, we got, that's all wrong. We need, we've been a lot. And in that first moment you have this, like, this is ridiculous thought, but then you're like, oh, okay. I can feel my irritation coming up. So let's just pause. Take a deep breath. Like, how can I stay in my power? How do I want to look at this so that I continue to feel like confident and calm. And then, so choose a thought, choose an intentional thought that is going to channel your energy in that right direction. And that might be a thought, like they have a good point. Or. I bet we can make this work. Or I bet we can find a compromise. Let's go with that one. So. I bet we can find a compromise. Notice how differently that feels. Does that make you feel irritated? No. It might make you feel curious. Right. And so then that is the F F line. The thought. I bet we could find a compromise, creates a feeling of curiosity. And when you're curious, what do you do in the action line? You ask questions, you ask questions like, oh, do you know how many vanilla should we get? How about we get half and half or. How about we find a compromise. How about we do X, Y, Z? No, you contribute. You ask, what do you think you say? Well, I definitely want to get. Some chocolate. So, what do you think about this? You know, and then you, you have a little negotiation, you have a little communication. And. And no matter what you are showing up. More. Empowered right. More in your calm, centered energy, no matter what happens. But let's say that you, you know, you have this conversation and then the results are that, that you, first of all, don't have an An argument over ice cream with an acquaintance. And maybe you have a sense of accomplishment. Maybe you have a sense of a better sense of this person that, Hey, they're actually. Okay. And maybe you create a relationship where you are friends in the future or just acquaintances and you respect each other and it's not. Problem. It's not something that you, you know, six months down the road, you think back to that time in the store, when this happened, blah, blah, blah, and you spin out on it and, you know, talk bad about the person, none of that. Right. Nope. You just keep going on. Focusing on what is truly important. Okay. So just to reiterate the self-coaching model, it's made up of five lines that you use to analyze any problem. The first is the circumstance line, which is the neutral facts of a situation. The next is the thought line, which is the thought that you have about it. Choose one thought. Don't make a whole paragraph when you do this, just one thought. And then that thought creates one feeling in the model. One feeling it might create a 10 feelings in you, but in the model we choose one. We keep it simple. That feeling. Then drives your actions. You're either reacting to the feeling or you're trying to get to create more of a feeling like desire, right? And then the fifth line is the results. This is what you create for yourself. The results line is always focused on you. The model is about your brain. What's happening in your brain. Not what's happening in someone else's. So I encourage you to practice using this, write it down. Go through it several times. It takes a little bit for all of the pieces to fall into place. So feel free to share your model with me. I love helping people with models. And it's such an important skill to master. And then the next thing that I would recommend is using the model. For a common limiting belief that you have that you identified earlier. So maybe it's the, I'm not enough. So imagine a situation where you felt this. Or not rather feel, but you thought this sometimes we, we get, we confuse our thoughts and our feelings. Very common. I work with the stuff every day. And I still, apparently in my language, get confused with that. Just being human here. So imagine the circumstance, you know, maybe it is a project or a. A presentation or a relationship and you relationship. And like that you've been turning on. So notice that you have a lot of feelings about it and, and so we're going to clean that up with the model. So identify the circumstance and what that looks like is I have, you know, this. A web project due for this date. The client had these requests. You know, I sent them a draft. They sent an email with all of these requests. And. Now I need to do them. So that circumstance it's just facts, right? I'm not interpreting anything. But then like notice, like you're, you're feeling not enough. You're feeling dragged. You're feeling overwhelmed. So. You think, okay, what is the thought that is creating? Like, what is the thought behind this? And you notice it's the, I'm not enough. This project. I'm not good enough. This project isn't good enough. Put that in the thought line. This project isn't good enough. And then ask yourself or, or re ask yourself, what feeling does this create in me? And see if you can identify it, see if it is. A sense of anxiety or self dogged. Sometimes. You might not be able to identify it. Some people have a difficult time. Re putting words to a feelings for, for various reasons. And so if you feel like don't like, don't let yourself get stuck here. You could say even like, it just feels yucky. All right. If you need to put yucky, put yucky. If you can be more specific. That's fantastic. So when you get to this point, It might not feel so good. So give yourself a break. Take a few deep breaths. Give yourself some love. This is the feeling line is, is a line that we often need to spend a lot of time on, especially if thing, if there's trauma coming up. There's a lot of work that. Oh that we can do here, but since we're focusing on mindset, we'll move on. And ask yourself when I feel self doubt. What do I do? In this. Reno regarding the circumstance. So that might look like I procrastinate. I don't respond to the client's email. I. I judge my work. I Criticize the client in my head. I judge my career. I ended up questioning if this is the right thing for me, I kind of spin out. So then I go have some drinks and I zone out on TV. And I don't feel like taking care of myself, so I don't go exercise. I don't talk to a friend about it. I just isolate myself in my introvert cave. So that is the actions. So it's what you do and what you don't do. And then what result does that create for you? Well, Ben the project. It does suck. Then it really is like, you are not showing up as your full self. And it's not that you are like, you're not enough. But it's, it's that the way that you're showing up is not creating enough of who you truly are. And that the project would be just fine. But the way you're showing up decreases the quality, potentially quality of the product, but certainly the quality of the experience for you. Just for year, we're looking at just for you. And that probably will not feel good. So that's a limiting belief at work. And when you see that, when you see it in the model, You can take a big breath and be like, whoa, like this limiting belief here. This I'm not enough. Where the heck did that come from? Do I want to keep that? Is it serving me moving forward? And from there. You can choose something different. From there. You can start to notice every time I'm not enough comes up and you can pause, you can breathe deep and you can channel. A different thought so that you can channel your energy in a different way, channel your feelings in a different way to create different actions and create different results from yourself for yourself. And that's for everybody. Else. Okay, I'm gonna wrap it up here because this can be a very profound and a lot too. Absorb yet. It's very simple, right? This. This formula at this model, it is very, very simple. It gives you such a deep look into the way that you think in so much power. To transform. And create a more empowered way of showing up. It's amazing. But I want to give you a caveat and I hinted to it earlier. Sometimes the feeling line, there is a lot to explore here. We are not just our minds. We are also our bodies, our nervous systems and transformation. Sometimes like mindset can be exactly what you need for a while. For me, mindset was what I needed pretty much like that was enough for a few years. And then I shifted into needing more. Emotional healing and Nervous system work. Right? So. So know that. As you work with this, you might, you might get stuck in the feeling line. You may get stuck anywhere and it's totally fine. And it just might mean we need to ask some more questions and discover where your Keystone is right now. Is, are you going to get the most transformation from mindset? Are you going to get the most transformation from emotional healing? Like where is that? And, you know, sometimes it doesn't really even matter. It's just like, I just need any healing anywhere. And that. That is fantastic. But the model is not the only tool that we ever need in our lives, but it is a, one of the most. Powerful tools. And I am here to help. You are welcome to send me a message on social media, or if you really want to create change, sign up for my two month coaching package. The summer integration sessions that is on my website. It's available until the end of the month. So don't miss it. I can't wait to hear from you. Thank you for tuning in and have fun with the model.