Self-love opens doors

How often do you criticize yourself? Daily? Hourly?

Most introverted women that I’ve worked with have a constant habit of knocking themselves down by saying things like:

• This {thing that I did} isn’t good enough
• I should be able to do a better job
• I should(n’t) have said that
• Who am I to be doing/saying this?

I know that last one is a big one – who am I to be doing _______?

Last week, I interviewed an introverted female business owner about her struggles in reaching her goals and she said that every time she shows up publicly in service of her business, she questions herself.

Her brand of self-doubt looks like:

• “Who am I to be doing this?”
• “Why should anyone listen to me?”
• “Who am I to be leading other women when I don’t even have my own sh*t together?”

She said that self-doubt is a major factor in her ability to accomplish her day-to-day work. 

That’s because self-doubty statements like those above generate feelings of inadequacy, stress and shame. And these feelings cause us to spin out, shut down and distract ourselves with quick-fix habits like snacking and screen binging.

This takes valuable time away from growth activities like working on a project or showing up for your business.

When you spend your time mired in self-doubt, you end up dragging your feet on your goals. And sometimes, you even end up shutting the door on your dreams.

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So, what can you do about this?

Self-doubt is absolutely within your control to manage as it exists only inside your own mind. 

There are lots of techniques to reprogram self-doubt, including yoga, meditation & mindset work but I want to focus on the most powerful practice of all – self love.

Self-love has the capacity to melt away self-doubt.

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Instead of arguing with self-doubt and trying to work against it, thus getting caught up in the idea that “I need to fix myself”, self-love says that there is simply nothing to fix.

Self-love assumes that you’re in process, that you’re always evolving, that messiness is part of the deal.

Self-love shifts the focus from what’s wrong to what’s right.

Self-love switches your attention from why you aren’t good enough to seeing all the reasons that you ARE good enough.

Self-love means seeing yourself with acceptance and humor. With forgiveness and compassion. With allowing yourself to be messy and imperfect.

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A simple way to shift into self-love is to reframe self-doubt as just an invitation for you to learn to love yourself more.

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Every time you notice negative self-talk, you can use it to jog your memory – “oh, this is another opportunity where I get to practice learning to love myself more. That’s all it is.”

When you can lean into self-love, you’ll avoid the roadblocks that self-doubt sets in your path. You’ll keep moving forward. You’ll keep learning. You’ll keep showing up even when it’s hard.

And when you live your life this way, fueled by self-love…

Doors. Will. Open.

For more practical coaching and tools that will help you develop self-love, join my email community.

Photo by Nino Carè from Pixabay