Why you have low self-confidence
Many of us point to our past as the source of our low self-confidence, saying things like:
- My parents didn’t give me enough attention
- I didn’t do well in school
- I wasn’t a popular kid, other students were mean to me
- I’ve never been good at ….
While these things were important, and can require healing, they aren’t the reason you suffer from low self-confidence today.
Today, your self-doubt comes from you.
More specifically, it comes from the way you think about yourself.
And the way you think about yourself depends on how aware you are about your thoughts and whether or not you prioritize managing your mind.
So what exactly does this mean? Let’s dive into it…
Being aware of your thoughts
They say that you think 60,000 thoughts per day.
Most of your daily thoughts happen automatically, in response to what’s going on around you. A constant stream of inner dialogue runs throughout the day, providing commentary, judgement and decision making. These thoughts directly influence how you feel and what you do, effectively creating the experience of your life each and every day.
If you constantly think thoughts that you’re not good enough or don’t know how to do something, then you will create feelings of self-doubt and the experience of your day will be from that lens.
Your thoughts reflect your deeper beliefs, which you’ve compiled throughout your lifetime from your parents, school, friends, culture and studies. If you had negative experiences that impacted your confidence in the past, they can turn into beliefs.
Essentially, beliefs are just thoughts that have been repeated so many times that they feel like the truth.
So, if you’re not aware of your thoughts, you’ll inadvertently repeat things like “I’m not good enough” in your mind over and over and over. Year after year.
This is called a thought error.
Thought errors are like scratches on a CD. Something triggers the thought, then you get stuck on it, repeating it with annoying intensity.
However, it ISN’T true. It’s an error in the programming.
In reality, a thought is only true if you choose to make it true.
That’s where learning to manage your mind comes in.
What does it mean to manage your mind?
It means two things:
- To know that just because you think something, doesn’t mean it’s true
- Be in charge of what you think
1.We can suffer so much when we take our thoughts for being the absolute truth….EVERYTHING you think comes through a filter. Even when those thoughts are as proven as science, the filter is still active (just look the history of science and medicine and you’ll find a trash can full of obsolete “facts”).
When you unhook from the idea that thoughts=truth, they lessen their power over you and you create space for other interpretations that better serve you.
2.To be in charge of what you think, you have to be aware of your thoughts and CHOOSE which ones you want to cultivate in your life.
When it comes to self-confidence, you need to look within your own brain and see how you’re believing self-doubty thoughts now. It’s those thoughts that keep you from feeling more confident – not what your parents failed to do or what your classmate said to you 20 years ago.
That’s right. When you repeat thoughts from your past and bring them into your present, YOU become responsible for those thoughts – and the feelings they create, be they self-doubt or self-confidence.
You don’t have to change the past, you just have to change what you’re thinking today.
Isn’t this the best news ever?
It puts you in the driver’s seat of your own self-confidence. It means you can learn how to manage your thoughts and create confidence for yourself.
Grab a piece of paper or a journal and take one minute to ask yourself:
- “What thoughts do I use to create self-doubt each day?”
Notice what comes up with curiosity (instead of judgement). This exercise will help build awareness and help you move into the driver’s seat of your brain. Stay tuned next week to learn how to create new beliefs to build self-confidence.
Reprogramming your brain to go from self-doubt to self-confidence can be so much easier with a guide. I help my clients radically shift the way they view themselves and find the confidence within to make big changes and create the life that they want.
I offer a free consult for people who want to take the next step. This coaching call is a powerful conversation that will help you to see your life – and your possibilities – in new ways. Schedule here.